Finding out that your health is declining after starting your dream job. Losing your husband before leaving for your honeymoon. Getting evicted from your apartment or home without any support. Giving birth to a healthy baby who develops lifelong health complications after their 2nd birthday. Keeping a family secret of sexual abuse to maintain a relationship with a loved one. We all have painful, confusing, and/or destructive chapters in our lives that we wish we would erase from our narrative. In order to navigate our world as the resilient and unbothered women we portray, we often attempt to hide these chapters from ourselves and others. These traumatizing experiences may stay locked away trapped under resentment, jealousy, frustration, or dismay. We may get into the habit of blaming others, throwing ourselves into work/family/relationships, attempting to recreate a previous version of our lives, or sinking into crippling physical/emotional illness. We tend to forget is that everything has a purpose, even when we can’t see that purpose.
“Remember, life happens for us, not to us.”
When we’re in the midst of a storm, the last thing we want to hear is why this traumatic experience may be good for us. How can something that is taking away our power be good? How can we be the Wonder WOC that everyone knows us to be when we can’t control the outcome? Even with the knowledge that this too shall pass, how will this impact the way others perceive us? We don’t like to feel uncomfortable or inadequate, even if it’s only in our minds. We also don’t like the process of explaining our truth to others when we can barely face it ourselves. This leads to the incessant need to control our lives and deny our traumatic experiences. When we attempt to rewrite the chapters that don’t suit our desired outcome, the Universe only sends us more storms to conquer. Our less desirable chapters do a fantastic job of reminding us that life is never linear. We will encounter both ups and downs and the best thing we can do is embrace ALL of our story. When we can acknowledge that everything that happens to us has a greater meaning than punishment, we can accept that we are capable of handling everything life hands us.
There is hidden beauty and purpose in every negative experience. What we may feel are helpless moments are profound times of preparedness, transformation, and spiritual awareness. An article by Wanderlust Worker, chronicles five reasons to consider when we lose sight of why “it” had to happen to us…
"It" prepares us for what’s to come
"It" makes us more resilient
"It" helps us to shatter our old beliefs
"It" helps invite progress, not perfection
"It" makes us more empathetic and real
All of the examples mentioned at the start of the post were taken from my life and the lives of women I love and admire. We all came out of these chapters with a deeper sense of our purpose, refined tools of self-love & love for others, and a desire to live our best lives. There is nothing that occurs in our lives for no reason. We are capable & enough because it wouldn’t happen to us if we couldn't handle it. When we’re going through a difficult time or healing from one, it helps to be kind to ourselves. We don’t need to have all the answers or understand why. If we’re blessed & open enough to have someone to share our deepest pain, we may discover our darkest chapters are meaningful to our growth and purpose. Later this week, we will explore who deserves access to our story. It’s important to have genuine supports with integrity who honor where we have been, who we are now, and where we are going without guilt or shame. Have a productive and wonderful week!